RE:mix

I have a roof over my head, A bed to sleep on and food in my belly. May the Lord’s name be praised!!!

How often can you honestly say, “I’m content”? If you’re like most people, you probably find yourself having something (at least one thing) to complain about. Unfortunately, this is simply human nature. The question is, if it’s the easiest and most natural thing to do, does that mean that it’s justified? If scripture dictates that we ought to be “imitators of God” (Eph. 5:1), shouldn’t that mean that we should shed away our human nature (or at least try)? And in instead, live out our Divine nature? Is there a possible way for us to live in such a way that when difficulties come, praise comes easy from our lips? While I was thinking about this in my own life, I had a few sobering thoughts that came to my mind.

1. I have a roof over my head
Millions of people are homeless all over our world. My own journey with working with the poor has radically changed my perception on the issue of poverty. Now the word “poor” has a name attached to it, stories, and faces of people that I know and deeply care about. I know that every night, there are people who sleep out in the streets of Toronto every night.
2. I have a bed to sleep on
It’s amazing how this simple reality of owning a bed comes along with a deep sense of ownership. It’s as if, having your own bed means that you have somewhere that you can call “home”. That despite how much chaos you have in your life, there is a place where you can rest your head, sleep… AND IT’S YOUR PLACE! Sadly, everyday, there are people who may not necessarily be sleeping out in the streets, but the place where they lay their head to rest is not their own.
3. I have food in my belly
Millions of people go to sleep hungry. In some places in the world, some parents have to make the painful decision of which one of their children get to eat, and which one(s) don’t. Whereas, currently I am surrounded by people eating (I’m in a foodcourt while I’m writing this…). I wonder how they would process this reality? How would they react to hundreds of people eating in abundance, so much so that they throw away still edible food?

When these thoughts came to mind, I almost have no choice but to be grateful in my own circumstances, regardless of the amount of problems I have in my head and heart. The reality is, I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL!!! My affluence doesn’t give me a right to have a sense of entitlement. Instead, I should see my blessings as a reason to give praises to the Living God, who saw it fit that I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep on, and food in my belly. MAY THE LORD’S NAME BE PRAISED! In the words of Job (1:21) “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.”`

Consistent Inconsistency

Every time I try to be organized or try to have a disciplined life, I always seem to fail. This indicates to me that:

1. I am not a type A personality and
2. Although my life can be filled with a lot of surprises, sometimes my life feels like a mess.

The funny thing is, back when I was in school, one of the first things they tried to teach us was how to live a “disciplined spiritual” life. To be honest with you, I found the idea quite endearing and worth striving for. In fact, I remember being inspired by the book we had to read called “Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian life” by Donald Whitney. But as my life has progressed, I find that the idea of “routine” is simply scary for me. My journey has been filled with so many twists and turns, I’m almost expecting the unexpected all the time. Sadly, this same consistent inconsistency has flowed over in the way my life operates. The work I’m involved in is all about surprises and every day is never the same. My spiritual “discipline” is consistently erratic. I find myself praying like crazy one day, to reading, or worshipping a lot, or reading other books or simply just sitting down somewhere to think. Sometimes I get to journal, sometimes I don’t. It’s just one big jumbled mess that seems like I’m trying to attempt to be consistent at something, but the only thing I’m consistent about is that I never seem to do the same thing all the time.

This made me reflect on my own spiritual life. Made me ask some scary questions about whether I am living a life worth following. Or whether I’m a failure compared to the spiritual stalwarts of the past that seemed to exercise great control over their lives. In fact, didn’t the bible say that one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit “self-control”? So what does this mean for me?

Then I looked at the disciples and how incredibly erratic and weird they were. One second they would stand confident that Jesus is able to do miracles, to doubting as to whether he can feed 5000 people. Then they would try to exorcize demons while ill prepared, and wake Jesus up because they thought they were going to die in a storm and figured it would be a good idea to at least wake Jesus up so he could be awake before they sink. And yet, through all their idiosyncrasies, I discover a Jesus that was deeply patient and loving. This didn’t mean that he didn’t put them in their place, but in the gospels, I see a Jesus that deeply loved his disciples regardless of the silly things they do.

When I reflect on this, my spirit is encouraged. I am quickly brought to a place of gratitude because I can confidently believe that Jesus loves me regardless of my craziness. Jesus seems to be able to see through my fumbling and see a heart that is deeply in love with him and is trying desperately to figure out how to follow him. I think this is where God wants us to start. He loves shaping and moulding people who don’t seem to have it all together, but are simply willing to trust and love him and receive his love. I thank God that he has not given up on me… I’m grateful He still bothers. And if you’re like me, be encouraged. God won’t give up on you either… He’ll still deeply love you and bother with you even when you don’t think you deserve it. As Mike Yaconelli once said, “God is irresponsible with Grace”. Be grateful that He is. – Ejay.

GOD SHOULDN’T MAKE SENSE

In all honesty, I sometimes find myself at an awkward position when I talk about God to people who are skeptical about “religion”. Firstly because I have discovered that as time goes by, I have more questions to ask God and about God the more I learn about Him. In fact, I probably had answers to “life’s greatest mysteries” before I got into my theological studies. As I learned more about the scriptures and how God works in my life, I have come to the conclusion that although I still deeply love Him, I don’t fully understand God. This puts me at an awkward position when I’m talking to somebody says “CONVINCE ME!!! That there is a God!!!” or “PROVE IT!!!”. At first I found myself biting my tongue and giving some theological answer that probably won’t convince them anyway. But now, I’ve come to grips with being honest about my actual thoughts. And I find myself saying “Honestly? I’m not so sure I can explain it to you”.

I know this might sound confusing… I’ve basically admitted to the fact that I am more perplexed about God from where I started. And find myself incapable of fully verbalizing a strong defense for His existence. You’re probably wondering… Am I still a Christian? Or WHY IS EJAY STILL A PASTOR???

Reality is, I’ve grown in my faith and in my understanding. But in doing so, a paradox happened… where I have realized that there is more to God than what I initially thought. That the more layers I peel, the more I realize, I don’t have a full grip on the picture. The result is this, GOD MAKES LESS SENSE!!! But I LOVE HIM MORE AND MORE!!! Weird eh?

I know this might not sound like a very conclusive blog, but I’m just speaking from my heart. I’ve realized that if God made sense to me, then He’s no God at all. God SHOULDN’T MAKE SENSE!!! Because GOD SHOULD BE GOD!!! And if He is God, then He is far beyond my understanding. As God said to the prophet Isaiah

Isaiah 5:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I’ve realized more and more that God invites us to a relationship, not an intellectual understanding. Maybe this is why religion is actually damaging. Religion seeks to a method or system to “get closer” to God. But God instead just wants us to trust, spend time with Him and hear His voice. Not exactly “scientific” based or “method” based at all. So I encourage you, allow God to bring you to a sense of Wonder… And enjoy this little video of one of my most favorite brothers in Christ Mike Yaconelli. Pay attention especially to what he says about God making sense. God Bless – Ejay.

I was just thinking this week about all the major events that have been happening here in Toronto. Just check out these highlights.

1. 14 Year old Stephanie Rengel gets stabbed death due to a feud between friends.
2. A man gets shot after leaving a strip club, possibly due to a fight
3. A gun battle happens at chinatown east and a stray bullet kills Hou Chang Mao who is a 42 year old father and was about to quit his job at that shop two days later.
4. Black focused schools get passed

These are just SOME Of the big headlines. In fact, every time I carouse through the papers, I find so many crazy stories of car accidents, people dying, things changing and such. I know these tragedies don’t necessarily happen to everyone, but when you pay attention to the world around you, you’ll find that its chaotic and full of confusion. In fact if you decide to look into what else is happening in the world, you’ll find that there’s war in so many places, people are dying of starvation, slavery is still happening, etc… But somehow, we all have to manage. But to manage in a chaotic world, I find people try to find all sorts of substitutes to cope with the chaos around them, and the chaos in their own lives. Unfortunately, sometimes we find ourselves in a mess when we try to find ways to deal with our issues when we don’t bother listening to the voice of God. Not that i’m saying every person who doesn’t listen to God to deal with their issues will necessarily make a bad choice in how they cope with their issues, but i’m saying a lot of people end up stumbling.

Thinking about these things this week made me wonder where Jesus fits in all this. And while I was reading the scriptures, I stumbled on some familiar passages to me, but somehow God led me to read them at the most opportune time. There’s a group of passages in Matthew called the sermon on the mount starting from Matthew chapter 5. And in there, Jesus seems to tackle the issue of being “lost”. I find that particularly interesting because when you really realized the chaos surrounding you, this is exactly how you feel… LOST. Just listen to some of the highlights of what Jesus said in response.

1. You are the light of the world (Matt 5:13-20) Jesus tells us that those who follow him are meant to be the light in the darkness. When you are trapped in a room that’s dark and you can’t see where you’re going… YOU’RE LOST!!! But Jesus said, that those who follow Him are meant to be light. So this means two things, 1. Our lives should be like a guiding light for others to see. So in their moments of confusion and “lostness”, we are what they need. So we should be people worth looking up to. 2. People are looking for something to see because the reality is, this world is dark. Or at least, it can be… unless the real disciples of Christ show up.

2. Do not worry about tomorrow (Matt 5:25-34) When you are lost, you worry about what’s next. But Jesus says that God finds the time to take care of the birds in the air. If God cares for the birds in the air and they never go home hungry, God will take care of you. Now many people misuse this idea to think that God will always bail them out. But sometimes the things we want are things that are destructive to us. So sometimes we need to learn to let go of what we want, and realize what God has in store for us. God’s blessings don’t always come in the measures we always think about. For instance, God would want us to have better relationships with the people around us, than you having that nice Ipod touch.

Reality is, God is interested in helping people who are in pain. In fact, Jesus said that he has come for people who are sick and need help (Mark 2:17). When Jesus was talking about being our doctor, he didn’t just mean it on a physical level. Because you can be physically well but emotionally you’re just messed up. Same with your spirit. Jesus is interested in healing ALL of us. So remember this in your prayers. Or if you don’t pray that often, I pray that this tidbit of truth would inspire you to. Because God is interested in hearing you, and also being with you. You’ll find that there are some Christians who speak of things like “I sense God is with me”, or “Somehow I have peace and I don’t quite understand it”. I know it may seem weird, but I find that God has responded in that way in my life. And to be honest with you, that’s the boat i’m in myself. There are a few details in my life that are still up in the air, but somehow I have this divine assurance that God has me in his radar and has something in store. I don’t know what that is exactly, but I feel it in my gut. I pray that as you seek God out in your life that you would realize, He is interested in hearing your pain. And may you experience His light, in the middle of your chaos - Ejay.

MUTEMATH - CHAOS